G'day my blogger friends. I'm sorry I've been so absent lately.
I've been having an extraordinarily difficult week or so with the flu (amongst other things).
Quite probably haven't been as sick as this, ever before.
I'm ok. I hasten to add. Just "in the wars" as my Mum would say.
A hacking cough, so bad, I've torn a couple of muscles in my belly, which makes any kind of coughing very painful.
The aches and pains and fever seem to be mostly gone now, so that's a relief.
I've used so many tissues, and still very much going ....Thank you (God) by the way for aloe vera tissues. I remember, as a small child, having a cold and how quickly my nose (with this fair fragile skin of mine) would turn so sore and so very red. No more! Yes aloe vera tissues, a Godsend to anyone these days, what a fabulous invention and gift to us all.
A little digression ....so like me. I'm even worse when sick!
I'm on horse tablet size antibiotics now. Given to me by a very sweet Irish/Indian doctor (in Australia, as of course, he would be) ...at the hospital on Sunday. He, the Doctor, didn't seem to feel at all alarmed about me, said my lungs were in great shape (it's all the silent screaming I've done in my life) ...and sent me off smiling.
It is likely I have swine flu, but also likely I'm going to survive quite well.
Oh....
And laryngitis.
Ohh yes Sarah Lulu has no voice or very little.
A friend, today, pointed out that Louise Hay would say I'm not expressing my anger.
I was aware already of what Louise would think and what I'm not saying. *smile*
I do anger ...and asking for what is right or mine, badly.
Have done it badly.
I'm getting so much better at it. Clearly not better enough.
I remember reading Louise's book
You can heal your life , I think it was in the late 70's. Such an eye opener it was then.
I've done so much more in the decades since and I'm more aware that I have value than I was. I've had lots of God sent Angels to help me believe this. I also have much more of a belief system around being able to attract the good and the plentiful in my life.
But right now I'm in the middle of the big D-I-V-O-R-C-E .... and lawyers and financial matters and I don't, do NOT, like having to ask for what is right or mine. I don't either like expressing that I'm not happy or that it's not going quickly enough.
I wish it would all just go away and I could be smiling and peaceful and happy, which is my best state. I'm not someone who enjoys a fight!
Psssttt lean in closer my voice is very very soft today, worse than a whisper.....
Are you listening?
Ok good.
I'd really rather simply say ..."Look you have everything but could I please have my spode dinner set that you gave my for my birthday years ago and we can call it quits."
I had actually been
rehearsing saying that when my voice left me.
I know. Don't tell me.
God is not supporting me simply getting the spode. It's blue and white and very nice.
Clearly God has a bigger better plan and I'm going to have to trust it and ask for half of all the everything else instead.
I did. Do that. It didn't happen. In fact, nothing much at all has happened. AND GUESS WHAT? (that's a kind of whispered shout) ....I lost my nerve.
It seemed too hard, I don't feel tough enough.
I may have to do this, as me, not so much with toughness but with more faith.
STOP rehearsing speeches in my head (which I am rarely daring enough to deliver anyway) ....don't bother about learning how to be angry, but DO express again what is rightfully mine. Have more faith and trust.
"I am free to ask for what I want. It is safe to express myself. I am at peace."Thank you God.
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